Learning to Love

I last posted a blog when i had returned from a road trip from Seattle to California, across the United States in to Chicago and eventually back to New York. Since then, many things have changed. I went back to work in New York City in November, only to find myself frustrated with the work environment and the hostility between individuals that's caused by work related stress. So.. I left. Again. I once again championed I-80 to get myself back across the United States to Utah where i was able to spend some much needed time alone with Cherie (for those that don't know - my girlfriend). A month later, I'm back at work. Again. I'm frustrated, again. A month from now, I'll be in Asia. Again - this time, Malaysia. I'll be working for another foundation that focuses on sustainable building technologies, material resource conservation and rainforest preservation. I'm thankful for working with such a flexible company that allows me to take the time I need to discover the world while I'm young. However sometimes i wish they would be open to differing opinions on how a corporate firm can operate in a socially responsible manner. I also wish they would offer their other employees the same opportunity at discovery as they've granted me.

Enough of that.. I'm not here to talk about work, or even travel. I'm here to talk about love. Yes, that gooey-ooey sappy topic that all men hate to read about, and all women love to drool over. If you're a follower of my blog, you'll notice that i've opened up quite dramatically to the world since i left my job earlier this year. You can see, and hopefully feel, my feelings on being altruistic with others, my newly found view on understanding complex issues and of course my terrible case of itchy feet. But what I've come to realize is that the common denominator of all my recent experiences focuses on love. Giving love to others, appreciating love between individuals and last but certainly not least, having love for myself.

Prior to my travels, I was afraid of love. I was scared to allow others to get too close to me, I was terrified at the thought of giving so much of myself to others. Hmm.. Giving so much of myself to others.. it's a bit of a controversial phase don't you think? When you say it aloud, do you feel selfish? Do you feel as if you're self involved? ego-centric? Good. It means you care. It means that in your heart you want to share that love but you're just not quite sure how yet. If you don't feel that way, then how do you feel? Take the time to explore the question for yourself because i certainly cannot answer the question for you. However, what I can tell you is that you have to love yourself before you can truly love another.

I spent four months in Nepal learning how to love myself by taking the time to understand the pains and miseries of those around me. I was so struck by the lack of love some people have for themselves that it made me want to give them as much of my love as I could. It made me want to build up enough love within myself, so that i could distribute it to others. To put it simply, I had to understand pain in order to give love. And as I continue to experience pain amongst others, It continuously fills my heart with more effort to give love where it's needed. It's a beautiful cycle when you're able to absorb the pain of another and turn it into love.

I can honestly say that I'm no longer scared of love, because i'm no longer afraid of giving myself to others. I've rid myself of the idea that if i give so much of myself to others, that i'll have none left for me. I've been able to do this because I've found that the more love that i give, the more that I receive. The more I share with others, the more I find out about myself. So the next time you feel as if someone is trying to put their pain on you, their frustrations, their anger.. try thinking about it this way: The more love you give them in return for their agony, the less pain you'll actually feel yourself. If you continuously give love to others, you'll continuously receive love in return. And who knows, you may even learn to love yourself in the process.

Cheers to filling the world with love, because god knows we need it right now.

Nepal to America

From a world of small communities and mental well being to a world of material treasure and individual gain for wealth and power. My thoughts are in a struggle to either find the meaning within our cities, or to simply run from them. I'm fighting not to let my mind dissolve the glue that holds together my meaning of life. I'm fighting not to turn on the culture that taught me how to think. I just want to get back to my new comfort zone abroad and once again feel life where i can choose how to create meaning from new experience.

But another part of me wants to stick around and create new meaning from old experience. I want the opportunity to look at my life from a new perspective; one that is framed around the concept of understanding why the way things are and how they came to be. I can't help but feel that life is full of first impressions, and sometimes that first impression just isn't enough. Places, just like people, tend to be shy; It takes time and patience to get to know them. I can feel the pulse of the city; I was raised by the metropolis. I treasure my material goods and I take pride in my individual gain. And yes, I want wealth and power. But with each passing day I question the importance of these values and I wonder if it's time to create new meaning from this old experience.

What I ultimately saw in Nepal was a new way to live life. I lived within the community and i saw a perfect example of interdependence on an appropriate scale. The abundance of selflessness was sustained by the need for help from others. When times are tough  you can have comfort in others and trust that they'll do their very best to help you when you're in need. It was also a life where everything you desired and dreamed, you had to make for yourself. Nothing is really given, everything has to be earned. And when you do earn that treasure that you've been seeking, it's shared amongst those that helped you all along the way. Nepal was a prime example of community, of friendship, altruism and understanding.

For me, I think creating new meaning from old experiences means that it's okay to take pride in my individual gain, because my motives are focused on the overall well being of the community. I seek wealth and power only because I know that those who are most capable of having their voice heard in our society have both of those things. Ultimately, I want wealth so that I can share it and I want power so that I can re-distribute it. I want to give it to those that deserve it, to those that have awareness for all sentient beings and aren't corrupted by it. This means that I can't run from the metropolis and I can't turn on my own culture, I have to live within it to get to the position where I'm capable of changing it.

This also means that I'll need a constant reminder of the truth that I'm seeking and the corruption that I'll face. I'll need to be abroad, feeling life and creating meaning from new experience in order to balance the discomfort caused from inhabiting a culture that I despise. I'll continue to practice what I love; I'll travel with passion but I'll work with dedication because I know, when the time comes for change, I'll be sitting in the driver seat waiting for the green light. In the meantime, I'll continue to create meaning from both old and new experiences and I'll drive the road until I'll eventually get to that red light. It's there where I'll be faced with a decision: Do I wait for the light to turn green, or do I take the risk and hit the gas? Do I sit and wait for change to happen or do I make change happen myself?

Cheers to choosing how you create meaning from experience.

Failing to Build, Learning to Understand

Spending a week in Pokhara, a form of tropical paradise set at the base of the Annapurna Himalayan range, i've had nothing to do but reflect on our past four months in Nepal. There have been no priorities to my daily actions and it has brought about a freedom that i thought had been lost. I see this moment as a childhood memory - playing without a care in the world, away from pressure to conform and influences that can be destructive to your sense of imagination. It has been this sense of freedom, or escape if you will, that has allowed me to see clearly into my experience in Nepal and bring to the table my most important lesson thus far: Learning to Understand.

Take time to understand the world and the world will show you how beautifully diverse it really is. We have to stop living through the paradigm of our own cultures and embrace diversity with an open mind. In order to fully experience another culture, you have to become one with it and in order to do this, you have to take the time to develop a relationship that matters most - friendship.

I came here with a plan - a plan to build an orphanage. I'm leaving here with a plan - a plan to build an orphanage. I came here thinking that in four months i could crack a whip and manage a project schedule that would allow us to complete the project. I failed. Why? Because I didn’t understand. I tried too hard to say, "well this is how we do it in my country." i tried to push standards that are not custom to Nepal and are the results of a much faster paced society in which i was born in to. A society that focuses its priority on seeing people as commodity; the question is always, what can I do for you, and what can you do for me?

After a few months of painfully slow work, i began to realize that what is most important here is the relationship with those that you work with, not meagerly what they can offer you. Fast pace and rapid acceleration can not be found here but what you can find are beautiful working relationships. There’s more laughter than anger, more spirit than grogginess and most importantly - enduring friendship. People don't put priority on their end goal, they put priority on the process by which you get there and the relationships that you develop on the way. None of this can happen if there's a whip at your ass and you can't have time for yourself, let alone others. In my year in NYC i saw a group of 50 individuals 5 days a week for 8-10 hours a day and i barely scratched the surface with just a few of them, trying to get to know them, and not solely the work. However, in my work here, i've met people that within two days i've developed the same social relationship that it took me a year to develop in NYC. It goes to show that when priority is placed on PEOPLE and not production, we all benefit from friendships that may last a lifetime and a happiness in the workplace that is irreplaceable. When you take the time to understand others, you walk away from experiences with friendship, which can be much richer than any physical object that your trying to obtain - or in my case build.

Sometimes we get so caught up with our jobs that we fail to make the connection that our job occupies a majority of our time in life. We focus all of our energy monday through friday on completing tasks and racing against the clock to meet deadlines. We get so stuck in this process of day in and day out - just another day we may say. But do you really want to live your life like this? Do you really want to spend 40 hours a week dreaming about the 20 hours to come this weekend with your friends? 

Not everyone loves their job, but what you can love is those that you work with. Before asking for a favor from a co-worker, see how their doing first. Ask about how they're feeling and take the time to actually know them outside of a strict working relationship. When you focus energy on making friends, and not coworkers, your working relationship becomes much smoother and much more fulfilling.

 I always say that there’s a bit of good in everyone, that there’s something to learn from the uniqueness of every person that you meet. What i've learned from the Nepalese people is one of the most powerful lessons i've had to date: when you put priority in understanding others, you start to see the world with new eyes - eyes that allow you to see the beauty in everyone’s heart. 

I came to Nepal to build an orphanage. I failed. However, what i did accomplish was an understanding amongst people that we are indeed people, not commodities. We're not just labor, we're flesh and blood, mind and spirit, heart and happiness. 

It may sound cliche, but i can honestly say that there is a large piece of my newly found heart that will linger in this beautiful place. Which is why next year, i'll return to reclaim that piece of my heart, and finish this orphanage with a newly found passion for understanding. 

Cheers to understanding, cheers to friendship and most importantly, cheers to the Nepalese for teaching me the most valuable things in life.

Western (Di)Vision

Do you know that feeling when you move to a new place - say leave for college, or move to a new city - where everything is seen with twinkling eyes and you're aware of so many things at once because it's all so new? If you've had this feeling, then you've probably also had the feeling when you begin to get comfortable and your awareness of your surroundings begins to fall in to the "i've seen it before" category - when routine sets in again and normality inhibits your schedule. 3 months in to the trip, and the flash and bewilderment of going to a new country has faded, and i find myself just "being" here.

Thoughts of amusement and excitement from seeing new things have come sparingly and my focus seems to have switched towards life as it really exists here. I guess the best way to put it is that i've stopped comparing life here, with life in the united states. I've slowly pushed habits from american culture to the back of my mind and have in many ways, disconnected myself. With a deep rooted sense of complacency, i've felt as if i've merged in to the life here and begun to understand more through the lens of nepali's, rather than myself.  I feel my heart grow slightly heavier every day as i began to understand about the lives that they live and suddenly my first three months of delight in seeing people live these simple lives was struck with compassion and sadness for the struggles that they face in a developing world. The pressure to live in "healthy" conditions, eat a proper diet and make money to buy new things and keep up with an inflating market.

70 years ago, before Nepal opened its doors to the west, it's people lived without these pressures of wealth and development. But as soon as western influence penetrated the tall mountains surrounding the country,  a new idea of comfort set in. As the country began to face pressure to release itself from third world status, problems of homeless and poverty emerged. Thats not to say that they didn't already exist - it's just that they weren't labeled in such negative terms. People didn't see themselves as "homeless" or "poor" until western realities were introduced upon them.

This brings me to the point that this whole writing is meant to make: Who are we to judge what is comfortable in others lives? What makes it right for us to label others as "third world" - making them feel that they're behind in every way? Theres no fairness in the rating of peoples lives, theres no justice in labeling others as more needy. It's time that we stop judging the world through the eyes of the west, and begin to find light in every country, in every corner of the earth. Nepal may not have a materialistic lifestyle and through the eyes of a westerner, it may be lacking quite a bit. But if we stop judging the world based on one way of living, so many people would be able to see the beauty inherent in all living places.

Our people, our cultures, our uniqueness.. These are the things that make our world beautiful. Not how much we own or how developed we are. This country is beautiful for its people and its landscape but is labeled as ugly by the world because of its advancement on the scale of society. This country would have been a lot better off without us.

 Cheers to the world not being flat.

Walking the Path

Its been almost two months since i left life in the states and nearly two years since i graduated from architecture school. I've begun to notice a common theme inherent in the past two years of work and the past two months of travel - when you strive to accomplish a goal its not always reaching the goal that teaches you what you need to know. Rather, its the process of the path that gets you there that really gives you insight. 

I just returned from a 7 day trek in the Langtang region of the Himalayas where a group of us scaled 16,000 feet of rock and earth, passing through some of the most beautiful landscape this world has to offer. I didn't embark on this adventure for bragging rights, physical exercise or even the beauty that i knew would be there. I left knowing that I needed a place to think clearly - to finally get the opportunity to walk away from influence and walk on to a path to truly seeing myself as an individual, free to the world of experience. My goal wasn't to get to the top of that peak but to understand what actually got me there.

We had no idea what we were getting ourselves in to on our first day and we ended up climbing nearly 7000 vertical feet, pushing most of us to our physical and mental limits. Most of the climb i was reduced to a mental state of numbness - nothing on my mind but the process of putting one foot in front of the other and repeatedly lifting the weight of my own body towards a goal that seemed all too far away. Thus came my first lesson of the trek that applies to life: 

Sometimes under the weight of our ambition we set goals for ourselves that appear impossible. As grueling as that path may become it's always important to remember that as long as you keep stepping, you're getting that much closer.

We arrived in a small, wonderfully cheerful buddhist village on a small flat clearing on the side of the mountain. Much to our satisfaction we found shelter with a cheerful family near the top of the village. Exhausted, we ate dinner with the family and decided that we would stay the following day in the village for a day of much needed, un-planned rest. We spent our day experiencing the beautiful  life in this remote mountain village and resting our extremely tired bodies. Kaji, our kind host, brought us to the buddhist cave temple that sat at the top of the hill in the afternoon where a couple of us tried our best to sit in silent meditation. I was reflecting on the previous day and the struggle that we had all been through when i finally came to the understanding that without that day, we would have never stayed in this village which had such an overwhelming impact on the way i see the world. This taught me the second lesson of the trek that applies to life: 

Sometimes we push ourselves so hard to accomplish our goals that we have to step away from them for a while. Always unplanned, this break from our dedication can lead to unexpected experiences that may actually change the way we continue along the path to accomplishment.

The following day we strapped on our packs for another 4000 foot climb up the mountain. After pushing ourselves so hard that first day we had high spirits and an attitude that we can do anything. Walking through a forest of old growth rhodedendrums, i was thinking to myself that these trees that we always see as bushes in the US appear so magical because of their ability to survive. They're beautiful because of the history that they carry and the growth that they've accomplished - the way that they stand out amongst the rest of the forest with their white, pink and red flowers that only come out for one week of the year. This taught me my third lesson: 

Along the path we stumble through many unknowing forests. But if you take the time to look around, you'll see the growth that encompasses you.

We stayed in a tea house in a village named Therapati for the night near the snow covered peaks at 12,000 feet. Well below freezing the next morning, the crisp mountain air constricted my lungs but we managed to crawl out of our sleeping bags to catch the sun peeking over the mountains. We once again strapped on our bags and started another day of relatively flat terrain across the valley to reach the pass that would bring us to 16,000 feet. As we walked and the sun warmed the air, i started to think about the different climate zones that we had passed through in the previous days. Jungles and forests, valleys and streams, pine trees and tropical plants scattered the landscape. Our final destination was the snow covered rocky peaks. The constantly changing environment taught me my fourth lesson: 

Along the path you'll experience many different environments -some filled with sunshine and some filled with darkness- and embracing these vastly different emotions without judgement allows you to enjoy every moment of their uniqueness.

Finally, the day we've been waiting for - laribina pass that takes us to the peak of gosainkunda at 16,000 feet. We strap on the pack and start the slow climb. Spirits are wild as we know how close we are to accomplishing our goal and smiles are tattooed on everyones faces. The temperature is cold and we're all bundled with every layer in our bag. Step by step our anticipation grows and then there it is - the peak! We sat triumphantly on top and enjoyed the view while reveling in reaching our goal. But as we sat there i couldnt help but feel that the sense of accomplishment that generally accompanies reaching your goal just wasn't there for me. I was happy, but i wasn't deeply satisfied like i thought i would be. We spent the next day and a half rapidly decending down to 5000 ft because a few of us were struggling with the high altitude and low oxygen. It was during this decent that i realized my 5th and final lesson about accomplishing your goals:

It's not always the goal that teaches you the most, its about the path that takes you there and the decent that brings the reflections. Amongst all the scenery that we perceived on the way up, by far the most beautiful was what we saw on the way down. Frozen lakes and snow covered mountain sides accompanied vast views of the ranges beyond our current peak. It showed me that once you've accomplished your goal the real satisfaction doesn't come from merely completing it but manifests itself within the mindset to keep moving after reaching the peak in order to strive beyond your expectations. That is where the true beauty lies in accomplishing your goals and that is where you'll find the satisfaction that drives you to continue along an infinitely unfolding path of life. 

Cheers to accomplishing your goals and forever climbing higher.

Loss in the Community

Saturday – Nepal’s one day weekend, and our day to explore. This particular Saturday I decided to take the Champa Devi hiking route, located just behind the foundation which takes you directly up to the peaks of the mountain range that continuously cast’s its shadow on the village. Another volunteer here, Silea, asked if she could join and of course I welcomed the presence. It’s always better to have someone along.

The walk up is a warn in trail of hard packed earth and rocks, traveled for centuries by the locals to reach their century old homes and occasionally to celebrate the new year on top of the mountain. We pass through several villages, consistently being turned around by the, “ello! What is yer name?” of the small children who are just now learning English is school. We walk through a field, where an energetic man recognizes my face and flails his arms in the air to say hello. This man, full of life, was one of the bamboo experts who we had recently worked with to construct a bus shelter that we’re currently building. After we exchange hellos, we continue our trek up the mountain. There reaches a point when the earthen trail turns to a shamble of broken rocks laid out to form stairs. At the peak, there’s a new construction of paved stones that pave a smooth path, making for an easy stroll amongst a beautiful setting. Silea and I found a nice flat grassy area and sat down to rest.

After an hour or so of chatting, we decided it was time to go down. There were heavy, ominous clouds moving in and a bone chilling wind that gracefully pushed the tops of trees and caused the leafs to ruffle. Descending the stairway to heaven that brought us to the top we stopped occasionally to rest our legs and have a drink of water. 3 hours later, we found ourselves back in the villages with kids screaming “ello!” once again. Passing by the same field which we found our energetic bamboo man earlier, we noticed a gathering at the house just below the field. Walking through the villagers, many tried to communicate with us asking if we were part of the foundation just a 20 minute walk down the hill. It seemed they wanted us to stay for a bit, have a cup of tea maybe. How wrong we were.

I found the comfort in recognizing our bamboo man, with a pile of smoked cigarettes in front of him. He was sitting on his porch, cross legged staring into space. As I greeted him, something didn’t seem right. He wasn’t enthusiastic; he wasn’t flailing his limbs in joy to see us like he always had. He looked up, found my eyes and said, “my father… dead.” I gazed slightly to the right, to find the body of a frail man wrapped in a sheet, laying on his back only a few feet from his son. Words cannot express the sorrow that I wanted to, because words mean nothing when you can’t speak another’s language. I gestured with my heart, I let my body speak for my mind’s mourning.

This is my first direct experience with death. I’ve never seen life change so fast. One minute, a charismatic young man; another minute, a torn and cheerless individual struggling to cope with reality. After the event, continuing our walk down the hill I couldn’t help but try and understand what had happened. I, also, was struggling to cope with reality. It forced me to realize how fragile life can be, how anything can change so vastly at any given moment. It made me think of my family, my friends, how any one of them could find themselves in this situation. Most importantly, it made me realize how special life really is. How graced we are to exist and how wonderful it is that we have this time to live our lives in meaningful ways. Death, I’ve found, is not merely a time of sorrow but rather, a celebration of life.

My heart tonight rests solely with this man and his family, his friends and his community; for I am part of this community now and a loss is felt in every member’s heart. My thoughts seek to find his spirit and to wish him an enduring sense of happiness wherever he may come to rest.

Cheers to this man, whom I’ve never met but will forever remember. 

As Day Fades to Night

As I sat on the rooftop of our home away from home, my mind wandered into the fading light as day slowly turned to night. I began to think about the differences that I’ve experienced here in Khahare, a small village on the outskirts of Kathmandu, Nepal. My first impressions here were filled with overwhelming capacity as I inhaled the burning plastic of the streets, paid witness to the crumbling homes of the old Newari villages and struggled to see the mountains beyond the thick, dense clouds of smog. “This doesn’t seem like the place I’d want to spend a significant amount of time in,” I thought to myself. My heart was pounding, my head was aching from the fumes and my mind was spewing thoughts of regret. In a short 3 weeks, these feelings have been suppressed by even more powerful ones; emotions of selflessness, of kindness and the importance of having an open heart and an open mind. The best way to describe this transformation is to simply state that Nepal is a dirty country, occupied by the most beautiful people.

We’ve actively engaged ourselves within the community, spending time with the children and the elders – experiencing life from a new perspective. Most Nepali’s live on less than two dollars a day. They occupy dismal structures, with no heat in the winter. Most don’t own vehicles, and some take a commute walking for hours up some of the most treacherous terrain, challenging enough to put me laying flat on my back gasping for air. Sanitary bathrooms are one in a million, rivers are filled to the brim with garbage and human feces and the smell of this place alone is enough to send people packing. You’re probably thinking, “how can anyone live this way,” or, “how can you be happy living like this?” I’ve had the same questions, but the one thing that convinces me that these inquiries are of no importance are the smiles that are contagious here. Their complacency radiates from their surroundings, and a sense of community is ever present around each bend in the deteriorating road. Community is the mud that holds the walls of their homes together. Community is what they have and community is what they thrive off of.

During our time here we’ve been getting our hands dirty cleaning garbage and building a bus shelter for the community; we’ve been getting our minds dirty brainstorming projects based on NEEDS, and not WANTS. But most importantly we’ve spent time getting to know members of the village. We’ve keyed in on what it is that they feel is necessary for a healthy community and a positive lifestyle. During a random survey of needs, it was shocking to see how many of them all wanted the same things: a shelter from the rain, a bridge that doesn’t flood, a bathroom and most importantly a clean village. Even more shocking was the fact that not one voice emerged to do something about it after all these years. That’s where we come in. We’re merely a catalyst for the reaction; every project we start is shortly taken over by community members wanting to make a difference. We teach what we know – pass on the techniques – and let others empower themselves to make the difference.

As I laid on the roof and stared into the sky I began to think.. Day doesn’t turn to night in the blink of an eye. It’s a gradual change. As the sun sets and the moon rises it makes visible one star, followed by the next, and the next, and the next, until eventually the entire night sky is glimmering with thousands. I see our role here as the moon – to give birth to one shining star after another until eventually there are thousands of stars working as a team to illuminate the darkness.

Cheers to being a catalyst for change.

For The Kind Hearted Only

I've been thinking about how best to describe my time here in Nepal however my travelmate, Lowell, did such a phenominal job that i thought it appropriate to simply repost his insights. Thanks lowell, and cheers everyone!  Greetings all you friends and loved ones. Ian and I have been here for just a handful of days, but already our hearts have been touched in innumerable ways. Nepal is a land of striking natural beauty. Steep hills rise from the valley, clad with a beautiful cloth of living greenery. The forest here gives life to a massive range of plant types, from cactus trees that must have walked here from some far off desert, to wild bananas that climbed up from the hot and fertile lowlands. Bamboo groves cluster together like old friends next to the bodhi trees which sheltered Buddha as he rose to enlightenment. Cedars and pines crown the tops of the ridges and the deep canyons are filled with ferns and mosses soaking their life from the cool moisture of the streams. People have been living and farming here for more than 10,000 years, and as one descends from the tops of the hills the forest slowly gives way to the angular geometry of terraces, houses and temples. Entire mountain sides and valleys have been shaped into grand steps of agriculture. Holding water during the dry season so that the rice, wheat, barley, and vegetables can flourish all year round. Right now is the season for growing mustard and the land is humming and overflowing with the rich yellow of their flowering. Goats, pigs, sheep, cows, chickens, and water buffalo roam around every corner, and in front of almost every house. safe under the watchful eye of some old man reclining on his porch. Great Buddhist monasteries rise out of the trees, their golden roofs proclaiming the glory of their teachings for all to see. whilst Hindu temples, thousands of years old are filled with a reverent fervor and vibrancy that we never see in America. Houses made of brick and local stone, washed red, white and tan, cluster along the roads and k creep up the mountains along precipitous paths.       Yet against this most beautiful of backgrounds, Nepal is a place of striking and sometimes appalling contradictions. people here are so happy and content it seems, and yet they live in object poverty. Traditionally containers were all made from natural materials. Bowls made from banana leaves sewn together with threads of bamboo for example. And so the habit has always been to simple throw ones waste on the ground and let it rot, or pile it up and burn it. Well now that has all changed, every single container is made of plastic. And yet the peoples habits have not changed one bit. They still just throw everything on the ground not really bothering to pick it up, and if the do decide to tidy it up, they generally just put it in a giant oil drum and burn it. No morning here is free from the smell of burning plastic. Trash piles up in every nook and cranny. The rivers are gray and bubble with black goo, their sediment layers composed of alternating levels of silt and garbage. It makes a heavy heart to see these wonderful people treating the land, which is so literally the source of all their life and livelihood, with such indifference and disrespect. They poison their fields, they poison their rivers, and they poison themselves. They think we joke when we tell them that plastic will give them cancer.      But enough about the sad parts, because Nepal is also a place which inspires me with great hope for the future. The organization we are staying with, KRMEF (Kevin Rohan Memorial Eco Foundation), has for the past month hosted a group of young adults from a school in Sweden called the Youth Initiative Program (YIP). The first couple weeks they were here they did the hard work of demolishing an old building on the site where we shall be building the new orphanage. During their last week here however they engaged the community in a wonderful series of exercise called the oasis game. The game is intended to be a structure within which a community is encouraged to examine their situation, identify problems, needs and dreams, and then come together as a team to make these dreams reality. To make a long story short, by thursday, the day Ian and I arrived. the villagers were cleaning up trash around the community center, planting gardens, and making trash bins and benches. Right where the bus stops in the village is an open area that was literally full of trash. I dont think it had every been cleaned except for the seasonal floods that might wash some of it down into the river. Plastic bags, bottles, shoes, clothes, cups, plates, silverware, old toothpaste containers, you name it, it was laying there. But on Saturday morning a different kind of flood came along. A flood of people. There must have been more than forty people who came together to clean things up and make the place look nice. Of course as i mentioned Nepali garbage pickup involves burning, and the plume of garbage smoke was miles high. Soon the villagers turned their attention to the drainage ditch running paralel to the field. All the trash in there, and there was quite a lot, was to wet to burn. The solution; get a couple water trucks and wash it all down into the stream. It was pretty horendous watching the stream of sludge and garbage go pouring off the end of the ditch into the gully, but it was also very inspiring to see all these people coming together and getting excited about cleaning up their community. Everyone was cheering and smiling and working together to solve a problem that had quite literally never been addressed before. Suddenly from nowhere all these pieces of cardboard appeared with slogans on them like "dont use plastic!" and "clean up our community!". The kids fashioned these into signs with sticks of bamboo and next thing you know two adults were leading an army little ones up and down the street chanting and marching. Singing out their cause for everyone to see. After this i didnt think the day could get much better, but boy was i wrong.     That night the YIPies organized a celebration in honor of all the work people had done throughout the week. There was a really amazing Nepali band, with all sorts of interesting instruments and sounds, not to  mention a really loud sound system. They began to play, and people began to trickle in to watch, but at first everyone just stood there stone faced, arms crossed, watching the spectacle. After the second song, two young girls got up and danced quite beautifully in front of everyone. After a couple songs with just them dancing, a bunch of us westerners decided to get up there too and thats when things started to get really fun. Once we got up, then all the kids got up there too. you can imagine a literal horde of children with us towering above them trying our best to dance in the Nepali way but just probably looking to the locals like we were doing some crazy gringo dance. But regardless. by this point pretty much everyone was smiling. after a short break and some speeches from the community leaders and the westerners, The YIPies got the whole entire village to join in a giant dance. We all got in a huge circle holding hands and did a hilarious and awesome shuffling turning dance. not a single face wasn't split open with laughter. It was a beautiful thing to see and be a part of. After the community dance finished lots more people joined us up at the front dancing. The kids were fighting over who would get to dance with us and complements flew with reckless abandon. No matter how tired i got i was simply not allowed to stop, break away from one group of eager children and another would instantly agglomerate around you. Oh what a glorious torture. It was absolutely one of the best days of my entire life. So much love, so much happiness. It doesnt matter whether you speak someones language, Love, laughter and dancing speak to everyone's heart, and remind us that despite the fact that these people live half a world away from us, and lead totally different lives, they are our brethren just as surely as our own flesh and blood. Namaste, Lowell and Ian

Creating New Meaning

Thursday, January 19th. My last day at Cannon Design and my final night in our 400 square foot apartment. There was a sense of emptiness that rested within each of the spaces and there was certainly a hole that was being drilled in my heart knowing that i'd be saying goodbye to both of them. It's an unsettling emotion when you're about to leave a place. It's almost as if someone knocks on the comprehension compartment of your brain and just says, "WAKE UP". Suddenly, just moments before you leave, a world of understanding presents itself to you. Insight finally inserts itself in to the smallest moments of your perception and you begin to understand; to acknowledge what creates a place.

My friends, my co-workers, my serbian room-mate - these are what created a place for me in NYC. And unfortunately, these are the people where i fell victim to oversight. I was always observing my built environment and the spaces that NYC has created but I never thought deeply about the people that surrounded me. I spent my time exploring the urban environment/demographic and saw my friends as an amazing benefit to my experience. But the more I think about it, it was my friends that were the core of my experience.. not the city. They were the ones that created meaning in particular spaces. I sit here in Washington DC, missing my friends and family in NYC but one thing has changed: I've begun to meet new people, and i've begun to create new meanings. 

Our purpose here in DC, the way we saw it, was to meet the architect that we would be working with in Nepal and also meet the founder of the KRMEF (Kevin Rohan Memorial Eco Foundation), which is the organization well be working with while we are abroad. The architect - Bill Hutchins, and the founder - Krishna Gurung, are both incredible people. Full of energy and altruistic minds, they both have visions of what a happy and meaningful life entails. It only took a matter of minutes to comprehend that it wasn't just a meet and greet, but these were to be two very important people in my life that are going to be responsible for the creation of a whole new world of meaning for me. 

My insight into the past couple of days tells me a few things. First: never neglect what you have, while searching for the next step. Second: Know that the people you encounter in spaces create your understanding of that place. And third: Never be scared of leaving behind your friends, because new people will always come along to fill that missing void in your heart. 

Cheers to people.

The Scale of Comprehension

At what point do you move beyond the big picture and really begin to analyze the small stuff? When do you move from understanding the macro and search for the micro? In order to understand the larger concepts in life, you really have to penetrate the paths that lead there. You have to sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest influences on your scale of comprehension is routine. Routine isn't a word that can be generalized, so i'm going to use it in the context of a work routine: Wake up. Shower. Get Dressed. Wallet, Keys, Cellphone - Check. Out the door. Walk three blocks. Stick your head down the tunnel, yup the train is coming. Enter the train, leave the train. Walk 5 blocks. Revolving door, Elevator. Work. Lunch. 5:30, why am is till here? Walk and don't look back. Subway. Walk and don't look up. Home. 

So what effect does this have on you; when your mind tells you that this happens every day, that it isn't important? You've seen it a million times, its no longer unique. How does that effect the way that we behave and the way that we think? For me, it's increased my pace of life. Time moves faster when I always have somewhere to be. Time moves faster when I know what's going to happen next. Time moves faster when I don't have time to observe. Routine has chained me from seeing the small things. 

In order for me to see this, to question this and to seek understanding in this i only did one thing. I changed my routine. I ate a different breakfast, took a new route to work and ate lunch at a different time. I wore a new combination of clothes i haven't tried before and I walked out of the way in order to get to where i needed to be. And what happened when all this changed? I walked slower. I observed more. Things felt new again. I appreciated the creak that the door made when i closed it behind me. I noticed the taste of the air from the lobby to the street and felt the cracks in the concrete when i stepped on them. The cold touch of the metal handrail felt refreshing and the puddle at the bottom of the stairs sent small ripples as i stepped in it.  Changing small yet almost always unnoticeable habits always tends to open your vision to new things and to new understandings.

I chose to write about this today because I'm one week away from leaving NYC and these small things have begun to become more noticeable. Everyday I find myself seeing farther in to the object upon which i was gazing the day before. I know I'm leaving and I'm soaking it all in. But really, I'm trying to make up for my neglect. I did this when I moved out of my home and left for college, and when i graduated college and left for New York City. I couldn't see how special things really were until I was about to leave. I may be a few days late on this one, but i'm finally laying out my new years resolution:

To walk slower in all aspects of life. To take the time to understand the small things that make a place so special. And to never let routine push life faster than you want it to move. 

Cheers to slowing down and always being on the move.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home is a question that I've constantly searched for the answer. But the question is, have I found it? Honestly, I don't think i ever can. The reason why: we're always making new homes for ourselves. We're always searching for people that understand us, that appreciate and share common ambitions with us. We're always searching for comfort in the smallest nooks and crannies of life. I don't believe that home is a physical, objective place. I think we make our homes out of subjectivity; our feelings and opinions are deeply rooted in the way that we we're raised. Is it fair to say then that life is a constant search to find home again? To find those feelings of comfort in the people that surround us, in the habitats that we establish for ourselves and the ambitions that drive our will to move forward?

I've been in Rochester for 12 days now, away from the pressures of NYC and away from a demographic of people letting money drive their ambitions. My friends from high school, my family and all around familiar faces - they all hold positive ambitions here. Sure, we're all worried about money but it's not letting anyone change who they want to be and what they want to accomplish. Sharing common thoughts with my close friends, talking about our search in post-grad experiences, trying to figure out our destinations. These are things that show me that we're all in the same place and that we all share common ambitions. These are friends that I cannot replace and i know I'll spend my life searching for. I've got a solution though: never let go of these people. They are the ones that know you the best, and each one holds a little piece of home within them.

My childhood room.. filled with small articles of my past. The toys that i was raised on - lincoln logs, wood blocks and legos to name a few. Old clothes, 1st generation Ipods, a door full of skateboard stickers and a trumpet. It's all memorabilia that reminds me of who I was and what I've become. It shows me how much our idea's of comfort change throughout our lives and how our passions change with them. Being in this room makes me understand that the comfort of home can be found with our ambitions. Home will always be with us; home will always be embedded in our passions and our goals. We just need a little reminder now and then to show us that it's there.

So here i am, ready to walk out of the door and head back to NYC and I can't help but think that i'm leaving so much behind. These friends, this comfort.. it's all staying here as i depart. But one thing will change: my sense of what home really is. I know it will be with me; It's in my passions, my feelings and my opinions. It will be here when i establish new comforts and search for new friends. As I was saying goodbye this morning to a really great friend I said, "I've never had a harder time walking out of my front door" and she responded, "Which can only make walking back through it, whenever that may be, so much better."

Cheers to friends and family, opinions and feelings and ambitions. Cheers to home.