Nepal to America

From a world of small communities and mental well being to a world of material treasure and individual gain for wealth and power. My thoughts are in a struggle to either find the meaning within our cities, or to simply run from them. I'm fighting not to let my mind dissolve the glue that holds together my meaning of life. I'm fighting not to turn on the culture that taught me how to think. I just want to get back to my new comfort zone abroad and once again feel life where i can choose how to create meaning from new experience.

But another part of me wants to stick around and create new meaning from old experience. I want the opportunity to look at my life from a new perspective; one that is framed around the concept of understanding why the way things are and how they came to be. I can't help but feel that life is full of first impressions, and sometimes that first impression just isn't enough. Places, just like people, tend to be shy; It takes time and patience to get to know them. I can feel the pulse of the city; I was raised by the metropolis. I treasure my material goods and I take pride in my individual gain. And yes, I want wealth and power. But with each passing day I question the importance of these values and I wonder if it's time to create new meaning from this old experience.

What I ultimately saw in Nepal was a new way to live life. I lived within the community and i saw a perfect example of interdependence on an appropriate scale. The abundance of selflessness was sustained by the need for help from others. When times are tough  you can have comfort in others and trust that they'll do their very best to help you when you're in need. It was also a life where everything you desired and dreamed, you had to make for yourself. Nothing is really given, everything has to be earned. And when you do earn that treasure that you've been seeking, it's shared amongst those that helped you all along the way. Nepal was a prime example of community, of friendship, altruism and understanding.

For me, I think creating new meaning from old experiences means that it's okay to take pride in my individual gain, because my motives are focused on the overall well being of the community. I seek wealth and power only because I know that those who are most capable of having their voice heard in our society have both of those things. Ultimately, I want wealth so that I can share it and I want power so that I can re-distribute it. I want to give it to those that deserve it, to those that have awareness for all sentient beings and aren't corrupted by it. This means that I can't run from the metropolis and I can't turn on my own culture, I have to live within it to get to the position where I'm capable of changing it.

This also means that I'll need a constant reminder of the truth that I'm seeking and the corruption that I'll face. I'll need to be abroad, feeling life and creating meaning from new experience in order to balance the discomfort caused from inhabiting a culture that I despise. I'll continue to practice what I love; I'll travel with passion but I'll work with dedication because I know, when the time comes for change, I'll be sitting in the driver seat waiting for the green light. In the meantime, I'll continue to create meaning from both old and new experiences and I'll drive the road until I'll eventually get to that red light. It's there where I'll be faced with a decision: Do I wait for the light to turn green, or do I take the risk and hit the gas? Do I sit and wait for change to happen or do I make change happen myself?

Cheers to choosing how you create meaning from experience.