Home is a question that I've constantly searched for the answer. But the question is, have I found it? Honestly, I don't think i ever can. The reason why: we're always making new homes for ourselves. We're always searching for people that understand us, that appreciate and share common ambitions with us. We're always searching for comfort in the smallest nooks and crannies of life. I don't believe that home is a physical, objective place. I think we make our homes out of subjectivity; our feelings and opinions are deeply rooted in the way that we we're raised. Is it fair to say then that life is a constant search to find home again? To find those feelings of comfort in the people that surround us, in the habitats that we establish for ourselves and the ambitions that drive our will to move forward?
I've been in Rochester for 12 days now, away from the pressures of NYC and away from a demographic of people letting money drive their ambitions. My friends from high school, my family and all around familiar faces - they all hold positive ambitions here. Sure, we're all worried about money but it's not letting anyone change who they want to be and what they want to accomplish. Sharing common thoughts with my close friends, talking about our search in post-grad experiences, trying to figure out our destinations. These are things that show me that we're all in the same place and that we all share common ambitions. These are friends that I cannot replace and i know I'll spend my life searching for. I've got a solution though: never let go of these people. They are the ones that know you the best, and each one holds a little piece of home within them.
My childhood room.. filled with small articles of my past. The toys that i was raised on - lincoln logs, wood blocks and legos to name a few. Old clothes, 1st generation Ipods, a door full of skateboard stickers and a trumpet. It's all memorabilia that reminds me of who I was and what I've become. It shows me how much our idea's of comfort change throughout our lives and how our passions change with them. Being in this room makes me understand that the comfort of home can be found with our ambitions. Home will always be with us; home will always be embedded in our passions and our goals. We just need a little reminder now and then to show us that it's there.
So here i am, ready to walk out of the door and head back to NYC and I can't help but think that i'm leaving so much behind. These friends, this comfort.. it's all staying here as i depart. But one thing will change: my sense of what home really is. I know it will be with me; It's in my passions, my feelings and my opinions. It will be here when i establish new comforts and search for new friends. As I was saying goodbye this morning to a really great friend I said, "I've never had a harder time walking out of my front door" and she responded, "Which can only make walking back through it, whenever that may be, so much better."
Cheers to friends and family, opinions and feelings and ambitions. Cheers to home.
Home drives, defines and reminds. The solution is clear and we will achieve the passion held within our hearts. Someday, that solution, will fulfill us. We will reunite with these people and make that dream become reality. I cannot wait brother. cheers.
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