From a world of small communities and mental well being to a
world of material treasure and individual gain for wealth and power. My
thoughts are in a struggle to either find the meaning within our cities, or to
simply run from them. I'm fighting not to let my mind dissolve the glue that holds
together my meaning of life. I'm fighting not to turn on the culture that
taught me how to think. I just want to get back to my new comfort zone abroad
and once again feel life where i can choose how to create meaning from new
experience.
But another part of me wants to stick around and create new
meaning from old experience. I want the opportunity to look at my life from a
new perspective; one that is framed around the concept of understanding why the
way things are and how they came to be. I can't help but feel that life is full
of first impressions, and sometimes that first impression just isn't enough.
Places, just like people, tend to be shy; It takes time and patience to get to
know them. I can feel the pulse of the city; I was raised by the metropolis. I
treasure my material goods and I take pride in my individual gain. And yes, I
want wealth and power. But with each passing day I question the importance of
these values and I wonder if it's time to create new meaning from this old
experience.
What I ultimately saw in Nepal was a new way to live life. I
lived within the community and i saw a perfect example of interdependence on an
appropriate scale. The abundance of selflessness was sustained by the need for help
from others. When times are tough you
can have comfort in others and trust that they'll do their very best to help
you when you're in need. It was also a life where everything you desired and
dreamed, you had to make for yourself. Nothing is really given, everything has
to be earned. And when you do earn that treasure that you've been seeking, it's
shared amongst those that helped you all along the way. Nepal was a prime
example of community, of friendship, altruism and understanding.
For me, I think creating new meaning from old experiences
means that it's okay to take pride in my individual gain, because my motives
are focused on the overall well being of the community. I seek wealth and power
only because I know that those who are most capable of having their voice heard
in our society have both of those things. Ultimately, I want wealth so that I
can share it and I want power so that I can re-distribute it. I want to give it
to those that deserve it, to those that have awareness for all sentient beings and
aren't corrupted by it. This means that I can't run from the metropolis and I
can't turn on my own culture, I have to live within it to get to the position
where I'm capable of changing it.
This also means that I'll need a constant reminder of the
truth that I'm seeking and the corruption that I'll face. I'll need to be
abroad, feeling life and creating meaning from new experience in order to balance
the discomfort caused from inhabiting a culture that I despise. I'll continue
to practice what I love; I'll travel with passion but I'll work with dedication
because I know, when the time comes for change, I'll be sitting in the driver
seat waiting for the green light. In the meantime, I'll continue to create
meaning from both old and new experiences and I'll drive the road until I'll
eventually get to that red light. It's there where I'll be faced with a
decision: Do I wait for the light to turn green, or do I take the risk and hit
the gas? Do I sit and wait for change to happen or do I make change happen
myself?
Cheers to choosing how you create meaning from experience.
