Creating New Meaning

Thursday, January 19th. My last day at Cannon Design and my final night in our 400 square foot apartment. There was a sense of emptiness that rested within each of the spaces and there was certainly a hole that was being drilled in my heart knowing that i'd be saying goodbye to both of them. It's an unsettling emotion when you're about to leave a place. It's almost as if someone knocks on the comprehension compartment of your brain and just says, "WAKE UP". Suddenly, just moments before you leave, a world of understanding presents itself to you. Insight finally inserts itself in to the smallest moments of your perception and you begin to understand; to acknowledge what creates a place.

My friends, my co-workers, my serbian room-mate - these are what created a place for me in NYC. And unfortunately, these are the people where i fell victim to oversight. I was always observing my built environment and the spaces that NYC has created but I never thought deeply about the people that surrounded me. I spent my time exploring the urban environment/demographic and saw my friends as an amazing benefit to my experience. But the more I think about it, it was my friends that were the core of my experience.. not the city. They were the ones that created meaning in particular spaces. I sit here in Washington DC, missing my friends and family in NYC but one thing has changed: I've begun to meet new people, and i've begun to create new meanings. 

Our purpose here in DC, the way we saw it, was to meet the architect that we would be working with in Nepal and also meet the founder of the KRMEF (Kevin Rohan Memorial Eco Foundation), which is the organization well be working with while we are abroad. The architect - Bill Hutchins, and the founder - Krishna Gurung, are both incredible people. Full of energy and altruistic minds, they both have visions of what a happy and meaningful life entails. It only took a matter of minutes to comprehend that it wasn't just a meet and greet, but these were to be two very important people in my life that are going to be responsible for the creation of a whole new world of meaning for me. 

My insight into the past couple of days tells me a few things. First: never neglect what you have, while searching for the next step. Second: Know that the people you encounter in spaces create your understanding of that place. And third: Never be scared of leaving behind your friends, because new people will always come along to fill that missing void in your heart. 

Cheers to people.

The Scale of Comprehension

At what point do you move beyond the big picture and really begin to analyze the small stuff? When do you move from understanding the macro and search for the micro? In order to understand the larger concepts in life, you really have to penetrate the paths that lead there. You have to sweat the small stuff.

One of the biggest influences on your scale of comprehension is routine. Routine isn't a word that can be generalized, so i'm going to use it in the context of a work routine: Wake up. Shower. Get Dressed. Wallet, Keys, Cellphone - Check. Out the door. Walk three blocks. Stick your head down the tunnel, yup the train is coming. Enter the train, leave the train. Walk 5 blocks. Revolving door, Elevator. Work. Lunch. 5:30, why am is till here? Walk and don't look back. Subway. Walk and don't look up. Home. 

So what effect does this have on you; when your mind tells you that this happens every day, that it isn't important? You've seen it a million times, its no longer unique. How does that effect the way that we behave and the way that we think? For me, it's increased my pace of life. Time moves faster when I always have somewhere to be. Time moves faster when I know what's going to happen next. Time moves faster when I don't have time to observe. Routine has chained me from seeing the small things. 

In order for me to see this, to question this and to seek understanding in this i only did one thing. I changed my routine. I ate a different breakfast, took a new route to work and ate lunch at a different time. I wore a new combination of clothes i haven't tried before and I walked out of the way in order to get to where i needed to be. And what happened when all this changed? I walked slower. I observed more. Things felt new again. I appreciated the creak that the door made when i closed it behind me. I noticed the taste of the air from the lobby to the street and felt the cracks in the concrete when i stepped on them. The cold touch of the metal handrail felt refreshing and the puddle at the bottom of the stairs sent small ripples as i stepped in it.  Changing small yet almost always unnoticeable habits always tends to open your vision to new things and to new understandings.

I chose to write about this today because I'm one week away from leaving NYC and these small things have begun to become more noticeable. Everyday I find myself seeing farther in to the object upon which i was gazing the day before. I know I'm leaving and I'm soaking it all in. But really, I'm trying to make up for my neglect. I did this when I moved out of my home and left for college, and when i graduated college and left for New York City. I couldn't see how special things really were until I was about to leave. I may be a few days late on this one, but i'm finally laying out my new years resolution:

To walk slower in all aspects of life. To take the time to understand the small things that make a place so special. And to never let routine push life faster than you want it to move. 

Cheers to slowing down and always being on the move.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Home is a question that I've constantly searched for the answer. But the question is, have I found it? Honestly, I don't think i ever can. The reason why: we're always making new homes for ourselves. We're always searching for people that understand us, that appreciate and share common ambitions with us. We're always searching for comfort in the smallest nooks and crannies of life. I don't believe that home is a physical, objective place. I think we make our homes out of subjectivity; our feelings and opinions are deeply rooted in the way that we we're raised. Is it fair to say then that life is a constant search to find home again? To find those feelings of comfort in the people that surround us, in the habitats that we establish for ourselves and the ambitions that drive our will to move forward?

I've been in Rochester for 12 days now, away from the pressures of NYC and away from a demographic of people letting money drive their ambitions. My friends from high school, my family and all around familiar faces - they all hold positive ambitions here. Sure, we're all worried about money but it's not letting anyone change who they want to be and what they want to accomplish. Sharing common thoughts with my close friends, talking about our search in post-grad experiences, trying to figure out our destinations. These are things that show me that we're all in the same place and that we all share common ambitions. These are friends that I cannot replace and i know I'll spend my life searching for. I've got a solution though: never let go of these people. They are the ones that know you the best, and each one holds a little piece of home within them.

My childhood room.. filled with small articles of my past. The toys that i was raised on - lincoln logs, wood blocks and legos to name a few. Old clothes, 1st generation Ipods, a door full of skateboard stickers and a trumpet. It's all memorabilia that reminds me of who I was and what I've become. It shows me how much our idea's of comfort change throughout our lives and how our passions change with them. Being in this room makes me understand that the comfort of home can be found with our ambitions. Home will always be with us; home will always be embedded in our passions and our goals. We just need a little reminder now and then to show us that it's there.

So here i am, ready to walk out of the door and head back to NYC and I can't help but think that i'm leaving so much behind. These friends, this comfort.. it's all staying here as i depart. But one thing will change: my sense of what home really is. I know it will be with me; It's in my passions, my feelings and my opinions. It will be here when i establish new comforts and search for new friends. As I was saying goodbye this morning to a really great friend I said, "I've never had a harder time walking out of my front door" and she responded, "Which can only make walking back through it, whenever that may be, so much better."

Cheers to friends and family, opinions and feelings and ambitions. Cheers to home.